Why Potty Training Isn’t Just a Behavioral Skill
Most potty training advice focuses on behavior: Sticker charts. Treats. More praise. More prompting.
But if your toddler still isn’t getting it—or is flat-out refusing the potty—you’re not doing it wrong. You’re just missing the other layers of this skill that are often overlooked.
Potty training isn’t just behavioral. It’s physical. It’s emotional. It’s sensory. It’s developmental.
Let’s talk about the other pieces of the potty training puzzle!
1. Physical Readiness Comes First
Before any amount of rewards or reminders will work, your toddler needs to be physically capable of staying dry, recognizing the urge to go, and controlling their muscles long enough to get to the potty.
This includes:
Bladder capacity
Coordination + balance
Nervous system maturity
⚠️ If they can’t physically hold it yet, no amount of motivation, rewards, or reminders are going to work. That’s not stubbornness—it’s biology.
2. Sensory Processing Plays a Huge Role
Think about the shift from pooping in a warm, snug diaper to letting it fall away from your body into a cold, loud toilet bowl. That’s a MASSIVE sensory leap.
For some kids, the feeling of the toilet seat, bathroom echoes, or even wiping can be uncomfortable or overstimulating. Others might not feel the urge to go clearly (interoception) and realize they need to go after it’s already happening.
Potty learning is a sensory process just as much as a behavioral one.
3. Emotional Safety = Everything
Using the potty requires vulnerability. Kids have to trust their body, trust the environment, and trust that you’re not going to get mad if they get it "wrong." (even if you’ve never said an unkind word about it, sometimes they misinterpret our “uh-ohs” as bad)
Some kids need privacy. Some need play. Some need to be taught the skill before being asked to perform it.
Building emotional safety looks like:
Talking about the process before it happens
Practicing in non-stressful moments
Keeping your calm (even when you’re frustrated)
4. Behavior Is the Tip of the Iceberg
Yes—there are behavioral components to potty training. But they only work if the foundation underneath (physical + sensory + emotional) is in place.
If your child is resisting, it’s not a sign that you failed. It’s a sign something underneath needs more support.
So What Do You Do Instead?
You take a deep breath and slow down. You zoom out.
Instead of asking “how do I make them go?” You ask:
👉 What support does my child need to feel safe, ready, and confident using the potty?
👉 What skills do they need to practice before this becomes automatic?
You teach the skill before you expect the behavior.
You create routines that feel familiar (not forced).
You prep them in ways that build confidence, not pressure.
That’s the real work of potty training—and yes, it can actually be playful, connected, and calm.
Want More Support?
If you're looking for real-life strategies that go beyond surface-level tips, I created something that might help. Potty Training Playfully is a complete potty training system designed to take you from first tries to total independence, all while using play and connection so it feels more fun and less stressful for everyone.
You don’t need to white-knuckle this milestone. It’s a skill—and it’s teachable.
You’ve got this 💛