The Emotional Side of Potty Training: Navigating Big Feelings with Your Toddler
When people talk about potty training, they often focus on the “how-to” — sticker charts, training pants, tiny potties. But there’s another layer that doesn’t get enough attention: the emotions. And not just your toddler’s — yours, too.
Potty training is a huge developmental milestone, but it’s also a big emotional journey for the whole family. Understanding what’s going on beneath the surface can make the process smoother, more compassionate, and even a little more connected.
Why Potty Training Feels So Big (For Everyone)
For toddlers, potty training is about much more than learning a new routine. It’s about noticing unfamiliar sensations, changing a lifelong habit, and giving up the comfort and safety of diapers. That’s a lot for a tiny human with a still-developing brain and nervous system.
And for parents? It can feel like stepping into a pressure cooker. Maybe your daycare is nudging you to start. Maybe other kids your toddler’s age are already trained. Maybe you’re simply exhausted and hoping this will be one less thing to manage.
So if this feels hard — emotionally, mentally, physically — that’s because it is.
What Your Toddler Might Be Feeling (But Can’t Quite Say)
Toddlers live in a world of big feelings and limited language. They may not be able to say, “I’m nervous about pooping without a diaper,” but their behavior speaks volumes. Here are a few common emotional responses you might see:
Fear: The toilet flushes loudly. Pee comes out without warning. Letting poop fall away from your body feels… weird. This fear is real and valid.
Control: Your toddler is learning they can say “no” — and sometimes the potty becomes the perfect battleground.
Confusion: They know you want them to use the potty, but they’re not quite sure how to make it happen yet.
Embarrassment: Accidents feel like failure, even when we do our best to stay calm. Sensitive toddlers may feel ashamed and shut down.
These feelings are normal. They are not signs that you’re doing it wrong — they’re signs that your toddler is learning and growing.
How to Support Your Toddler Through the Emotional Side
You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present. Here are a few ways to bring emotional safety into your potty training journey:
1. Slow it down
There’s no rush. If your toddler seems overwhelmed, it’s okay to pause, reset, or take smaller steps forward.
2. Keep it light
Make potty time feel playful and pressure-free. Read a silly book. Sing a song. Celebrate effort, not just success.
3. Acknowledge their feelings
Instead of “You’re fine,” try “That splash was loud! It surprised you, huh?” Naming the feeling helps toddlers feel seen and understood.
4. Create rituals
A simple routine, like washing hands together or giving a high-five after a potty try, builds a sense of predictability and safety.
5. Regulate yourself
Your calm helps regulate your toddler’s nervous system. Take a deep breath. Remind yourself: this is hard, and you’re doing a great job.
The Magic is in Connection
At the heart of it, potty training is a trust-building process. It’s not just about learning where pee and poop go — it’s about your toddler learning that they are safe, supported, and loved every step of the way.
So if you’ve been feeling discouraged, or if your toddler seems to be pushing back, pause and check in: “How are we both doing, emotionally?” That check-in matters as much as any toilet seat or training plan.