A Simple Question That Can End Potty Power Struggles

Potty resistance doesn’t usually come from stubbornness or defiance.

More often, it’s a sign that something about the moment feels overwhelming — the expectation, the vulnerability, the lack of control, or simply not knowing how to communicate what they need.

One of the simplest ways to reduce power struggles during potty time (and beyond) is to ask this question:

“Do you want privacy or company?”

It may sound small, but this question does a lot of heavy lifting.

Why toddlers resist the potty

Using the potty requires toddlers to:

• Pause what they’re doing

• Tune into their body

• Sit still

• Feel exposed

• Trust the process

That’s a lot for a developing nervous system.

When a toddler feels unsure or overwhelmed, their brain is wired to protect them — and that often looks like resistance, refusal, or emotional escalation.

What they usually need in that moment isn’t pressure or persuasion.

They need a sense of safety and control.

How “privacy or company?” changes the dynamic

Asking “Do you want privacy or company?” immediately shifts potty time from something being done to your child into something done with them.

This question:

• Gives your toddler a clear, manageable choice

• Reduces guessing and power struggles

• Supports autonomy without removing structure

• Helps them practice listening to their body

Instead of escalating to be heard, your toddler learns that communication works.

This question builds an important life skill

One of the biggest benefits of this strategy is that it teaches toddlers how to name what they need.

Sometimes they want closeness.
Sometimes they need space.
Both are valid.

When toddlers are given language for those needs, they’re less likely to:

• Push adults away physically

• Shut down

• Melt down to communicate discomfort

Over time, this builds:

• Body awareness

• Emotional regulation

• Confidence in self-advocacy

Those skills matter far beyond potty training.

It works outside of potty time, too

This question isn’t just for the bathroom.

You can use it:

• During big emotions

• After overstimulating days

• During transitions

• When your child is trying to calm their body

It supports the same core message in every situation:

Your needs matter, and there’s a way to express them.

That consistency is incredibly regulating for young children.

One strategy is helpful — a toolkit is better

“Privacy or company?” is just one small example of how tiny shifts in language and environment can make potty learning feel calmer and more cooperative.

Inside Potty Training Playfully, I share a full, step-by-step approach grounded in toddler development, nervous system regulation, and real-life routines — so you’re not relying on tricks or pressure, but on tools that actually fit your child.

If you’re looking for a clear, gentle plan that supports both you and your toddler, you can explore the guide here.